Burning Bridges Like Matchsticks

When my sisters and I were growing up, our family used to gather in the living room, Norman Rockwell-style, and my father would read from one of Laura Ingalls Wilder's books. I have the memory span of a fruit fly (which we now know is about 24 hours) so many of the details are hazy. I do remember that Pa used to go out to shoot things from time to time and during a hard winter, the family was forced to eat the body of a Scotch-Irish farmer next door. And if they slaughtered a pig, Laura and Mary always got to play with the inflated bladder. Apparently standards for entertainment were much lower back then. Also, there were leeches in Plum Creek, which left me so terrified I refused to enter natural bodies of water for another decade.

At some point we read Farmer Boy which was all about Almanzo growing up. I don't remember anything about that book except for the vivid descriptions of food. One of the dishes mentioned was fried apples and onions, which I tried to recreate a while ago. Here's my take on this American classic.

4 slices of bacon
3 onions, sliced
2 tart apples, cubed
cinnamon
cumin
nutmeg
ground cloves

Fry the bacon till it's good and crisp and pull it out to cool. Caramelize the onions in bacon grease. While you're waiting, chop the bacon into half inch slices. When the onions are soft and sweet, add the apples and toss in a dash of each spice. Add bacon back in. Cook for a minute or two, until the apples are warmed through, but still crunchy in the middle.

Obviously, you have two choices for the serving. If you're kind of scruffy and have mismatched dinnerware, you can make a pretentious comment about recreating the bold taste of classic American cooking. Hopefully your guests will not punch you in the crotch (which would be perfectly justified). If you've ever used a hair removal product, you're going to have to bite the bullet and use this as the filling for a truly delicious quiche. I recommend putting it under smoked gouda or cheddar.